And on your right, ladies and gentlemen, please observe
The Conservative (Conservitus Americanus). This
fascinating species inhabits vast territories across
middle America, but rarely reveals itself in coastal
urban areas. It is commonly believed to be uptight,
humorless, and devoid of compassion, and is often
characterized as racist, homophobic, and highly
eco-unfriendly. Primary behaviors include unnecessary
warmongering, tax cutting, and gun collecting. For
decades, conservatives have proven to be hopelessly
un-hip, and their mating habits dull. They are highly
feared and often despised, for so few know and understand
their true nature.
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